


True Love's First Kiss

by ANGSWIN



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Crack, Crossover, Crossover Pairings, F/M, Fluff, Fractured Fairy Tale, Humor, Romance, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-19
Updated: 2021-03-19
Packaged: 2021-03-28 01:40:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,632
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30132036
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ANGSWIN/pseuds/ANGSWIN
Summary: Once upon a time there was a quirky witch named Luna.  She was neither too young...nor too old...but at just the right age to have her True Love’s First Kiss.  Therefore, she set out on an adventure to find her soulmate – the one whose kiss would reveal him to be the man of her dreams.  However, she ended up with a bit more "man" than she expected!
Relationships: Hulk (Marvel)/Luna Lovegood
Comments: 13
Kudos: 16
Collections: Stockings of Joy Collection





	True Love's First Kiss

**Author's Note:**

  * For [VoldyIsMyFather](https://archiveofourown.org/users/VoldyIsMyFather/gifts).



> It's a little late, but this fic was originally  
> written for the Wizarding Crossover Connections  
> 2020 Stockings of Joy holiday gift exchange.
> 
> Requested Pairing: Luna Lovegood/Bruce Banner  
> (I obviously took some liberties with the pairing! LOL!)  
> Requested Tropes: Fairytale AU, Soulmates AU  
> ~~~~~~~~~

Once upon a time there was a quirky witch named Luna. She was neither too young...nor too old...but at just the right age to have her True Love’s First Kiss. Therefore, she set out on an adventure to find her soulmate – the one whose kiss would reveal him to be the man of her dreams.

Even though she had occasionally been known to be a bit of a seer, that particular part of her magic was useless for any endeavor that would benefit herself. Therefore, she did not know who he was or where she could find him. She only knew that she would probably have to travel far and wide to be with the one who was meant just for her. After all, she already knew that he was not nearby in the village of Ottery St. Catchpole. There was no magical reason for this knowledge, though...just the simple fact that she had already kissed every frog and Crumpled Horned Snorkack within a ten mile radius of the place...and that included all six of the redheaded wizarding Weasley brothers from the nearby Burrow, as well.

Nevertheless, she had naught to show for any of it - except for some extremely chapped lips...and perhaps a couple of hickeys from the enthusiastic twins of the aforementioned family. After all, she might have been saving herself for her True Love after her First Kiss with _him_ , but she was certainly not yet dead...nor immune to the kind of magic and appeal that only attractive and fun-loving identical twins could produce.

At any rate, Luna hummed and skipped with enthusiasm as she set on her quest. After all, she had a backlogged stack of _The Quibbler_ for entertainment. Plus, she had plenty of cheerful company in the form of a pair of singing bluebirds on her shoulder. A pocketful of mice tailors also accompanied her - just in case she was unexpectedly invited to a ball and needed to throw an appropriate dress together at the last minute. All in all, she was brimming with optimism for an adventure that would lead her to the man that the universe had designed just for her.

Luna’s positive outlook never waned, either – not even when, time after time, her journey did not turn out to be as smooth and straightforward as she had hoped. The first instance of trouble was when she was locked away in a tower by a bald princess who was jealous of her long golden locks. Then a half-dozen or so grubby little men tried to get her to clean their house, cook for them, and handwash their crusty undies, as well. Then there was the time when she was almost pushed into an oven by some very fat and greedy children when she stopped to have a cuppa with an old school friend of her mum’s from the Confectionary Construction Academy. Finally, when she met the cute talking Gingerbread Man with the little candy buttons, he was so sweet she wondered if he could possibly be her soulmate. Therefore, she tried to kiss him - only to realize a moment later that there were nothing but a few crumbs left because she had regrettably skipped lunch that day.

Fortunately, she was able to magic her way out of most of those situations (the poor Gingerbread Man was a lost cause, however)...and somehow, she was also able to keep her happy and cheerful smile each time something bad happened. This was despite the fact that she had nothing to show for her troubles, so far, except for the bird crap that trailed down her back and the holes that the tailor mice had ironically chewed in her pockets. As a result, everything she had owned had apparently been left in a trail behind her as she walked. Not only that, but since there seemed to be no end in sight for their journey, her formerly cheerful animal companions had all started acting like moody teenagers forced into a family road trip with a strict “No phone or video games allowed” rule. Instead, they ignored her when she spoke to them and ate all of the snacks before they loudly proclaimed multiple times about how bored they were.

Even after all of that, however, Luna’s usual sunny disposition was still in full force when a waddling Blibbering Humdinger crossed her path. It was then that her certainty that she was on the right path doubled and her optimism soared anew. After all, everyone knew that Blibbering Humdingers were supposed to lead the way to one’s soulmate. Therefore, she followed it...and followed it...and followed it...until her feet were blistered and sore and even her perpetual enthusiasm had almost decided to convince her to leave her soulmate quest behind and become a crazy old Kneazle lady instead.

Fortunately, before she could take such a drastic step, she suddenly found that she had been led into the stinky swamp where ogres were rumored to live. The possible implications of that, however, did not sink in until the Blibbering Humdinger disappeared into thin air in front of her. At that moment, despite her pain, exhaustion, and obviously unhygienic location, Luna shivered with sudden excitement at the thought that her journey was finally over and, for whatever reason, her soulmate was somewhere nearby in the marshy landscape around her. She even wondered if he was searching for her, as well. She did not have long to consider the appealing notion, however, because a big green body suddenly crashed through the canopy of trees above to land in a massive pile at her feet.

 _My soulmate!_ Luna realized with excitement before she paused. _I certainly didn’t suspect that he would be an ogre, though._

The thought was slightly alarming at first, but she soon realized that it made a lot of sense - especially since she had always had a passion for strange and unusual creatures. Consequently, she would easily be able to accept someone who was not the normal run-of-the-mill charming hero-type. Plus, she was no stranger to the appeal of the bad boy, either. After all, she had pulled more than one Slytherin classmate into a nearby broom closet during her time at Hogwarts...for educational purposes, of course.

At any rate, apparently, the universe knew her better than she knew herself and had chosen her mate accordingly! Therefore, she just shrugged, and stepped forward eagerly as the pile righted itself into a huge man who stood in front of her while his chest heaved in both anger and confusion.

 _So...not an ogre, then,_ was Luna’s first thought at the sight. Nevertheless, she found that, despite her surprise, the not-an-ogre man much more intriguing than frightening – especially when the witch found herself mesmerized by the rise and fall of the wide, bare, and oh-so-heavily-muscled expanse of green chest that was right on her eye-level. In fact, she had to shake her head to clear the suddenly bewildering and most definitely inappropriate thoughts that filled it.

“You’re such a pretty color!” she told him instead.

Her dreamy voice was filled with honest admiration as she reached forward, almost as if she was bewitched herself...to touch him lightly on his massive pectorals. “What’s your name?” she asked while her fingers, seemingly of their own accord, daringly traced the patch of dark hair that ran down to his widely impressive abs, as well...before it disappeared beneath the waistband of his shredded trousers.

The Hulk did not know what to think as he stood trembling underneath the unexpectedly pleasant feeling of the strange little female’s gentle touch. After all, nobody ever wanted to be that close to the him if they could help it. Not even his so-called friends who, confident that he would survive and eventually make his way back home, had just pushed him out of a quinjet simply because he had passed gas in the small and confined space. It may have been toxic Hulk-grade exhaust...and it might have made puny Barton pass out...and even the Captain turned a bit green...but he still thought it was a very rude thing for them to do. In fact, it was just like the time in SHIELD headquarters when they had made him take the stairs while they all rode in the elevator.

“Me Hulk. Who you, puny female?” he therefore answered in his deep rumbling voice instead of smashing her on the spot as he was wont to do with the humans who annoyed him. However, despite his constantly simmering anger, this little wisp of a woman intrigued him – especially since she made him...and his barely-contained-in-the-almost-nonexistent-pants hulkhood...feel things he had never felt before. Not only that, but she did not seem to be afraid of him, either. Hulk found that he really liked that.

“I’m Luna,” the woman replied as she reached up to stroke his big green face before she continued, “and you’re my soulmate, Hulk.”

“Hulk not soulmate. Hulk is monster!” the big green man roared, as he realized that, even though they had just met, something inside of him made him want the little delicate blond woman more than he had ever wanted anything before in his life. His anger flared even hotter, however, as he figured out the answer. Banner must be the pretty woman’s soulmate. Therefore, Luna did not really want him. She did not want the Hulk. She wanted the puny doctor, instead. He roared again, but this time the sound held a note of despair.

However, Luna did not back down in the face of his wrath and obvious internal struggle. In fact, she pressed even closer to him. "You're no monster, Love,” she told him gently as she reached up to pull his big green head down to her level.

 _This is it!_ she thought with anticipation as she planted her lips firmly on his own. _Not my first kiss ever, but definitely my True Love’s First Kiss._

Oh, what a kiss it turned out to be, too! As the pair of delicate pink lips eagerly met the softer-than-they-seemed set of green ones, the Hulk picked up the petite woman and held her as close as possible as her no longer morose songbirds took flight in excited circles above them and the tailor mice did a cheerfully complicated line dance at their feet. The sun smiled down on them, flowers bloomed, and a multitude of cute furry and feathered woodland animals flocked in from the surrounding forests to encircle them, as well – all while the soulmate magic worked its...well... _magic!_

“Wow!” Luna exclaimed when they finally had to come up for air to breathe and the Hulk lowered her gently back to the ground in a kind of pleased shock while little cartoon hearts circled his head. “Now _that_ is what I call bewitching!” Her words seemed to be prophetic because right at that moment the hearts disappeared as the Hulk himself was lifted into the sky by an unseen force and wrapped in a golden shroud of obvious enchantment...before it spit him unceremoniously right back on the ground again.

“Hulk!” Luna cried out in worry as she rushed over to him - only to realize that once the big green man pushed himself off of the ground, there was another small, pale, and extremely naked man beside him.

“What happened?” the newcomer groaned. However, Luna paid no attention to him. She only had eyes for the Hulk.

“Are you alright, Dearest?” she asked him gently as she pulled out her wand and worriedly cast a diagnostic spell over her big green bloke.

“Who are you? Is that a wand? Are you a witch?” the other guy asked with interest, but Luna remained focused on the Hulk, who looked down at himself...then over at the other man...and then back at the little woman next to him.

“Luna want Hulk...not Banner?” he asked in confusion as he waved a big hand vaguely in the direction of the doctor. After all, Hulk’s form had not changed at all – even though he was too busy mooning over Luna to be angry at the moment. Apparently, the magic of their True Love’s First Kiss had just split the two alter-egos apart...permanently. Now Hulk was his own man...and he found he liked it tremendously...especially when Luna smiled up at him.

“Of course, I don’t want him,” she replied – and her bright blue eyes never left his green ones – not even to glance over at the normal-sized man next to them. “I only want you. I told you that we were soulmates. That means that you are my one and only!” With those words she launched herself back into his arms.

“I am right here, you know,” the other guy groused, but Luna and the Hulk paid him no mind whatsoever.

After all, they were too busy experiencing True Love’s second, third, fourth, and fifth kiss...and by the looks of things, Hulk was about to round True Love’s second base with the pretty little blonde in his arms and then head on to third and beyond. Even the tattered remains of his trousers could no longer pretend to do their job to hold back the beast within and they simply gave up and fell away. Bruce did not know whether to be fascinated, disgusted, or extremely turned on by the sight in front of him, but when the Hulk happened to look up and growl at him, he made a quick decision.

“I’m...just going to wait...over there,” he said haltingly as he beat a hasty retreat away from the hot and heavy make-out session and hid in a thicket at the edge of the swamp. After all, he could go no further because of his nudity...and now that he had seen the Hulk in all of his glory...he was more than a bit ashamed of what could not even compare to the almost unbelievable package that the big green man sported.

Fortunately for him, however, Luna’s tailor mice soon found their way over to him. Working with what was on hand, they were able to save his modesty and fashion him a garment out of leaves and twigs. It was not exactly Armani, but it did cover the essentials. Unfortunately, though, he did not realize until later...not until the violent rashes started to spread over his nether regions...that many of those leaves were from the toxic Hogweed plant.

An indeterminate amount of time later, a relaxed and smiling...but apparently completely unable to walk...Luna finally emerged from the swamp in the arms of her equally sated and mellow...but still impressively naked...Hulk. She sighed, however, when she saw Bruce trying to scratch his now red and oozing backside against a tree and motioned for the Hulk to set her down. She then reluctantly parted on still-wobbly legs from her soulmate and lover momentarily to magically heal the man. After all, she had never been able to watch a pitiful creature suffer and do nothing about it.

She then...despite his horrified look...transfigured the man some clothing from the Hulk’s destroyed trousers before she asked one of the forest elk who had stuck around to watch the show, to give Bruce a ride to the nearest town. That way he could call his team and request some help with transportation while he also informed them that they were now permanently short one Avenger. After all, what good was a Hulk who was too well shagged to be angry...and who now only wanted to do the kind of smashing that involved his pretty little witch and a soft mattress?


End file.
